Justifying Jealousy

I was recently inspired to write a blog on the role that jealously plays in our lives, after talking to my friend their family problems. The word jealous is usually associated with something very negative. But do we ever stop and think about why we are jealous of someone else? Does it have to do with what they have, or is it actually something we feel is missing in our own lives? I think jealousy is natural, but where we often fail is in recognizing our own jealousy, accepting it, examining what it says about ourselves, and then moving forward accordingly.

It seems more appropriate to keep our jealousy hidden, to deny it, and create negative thoughts, words, and actions towards others. How many conflicts are started out of jealousy? Do we really want another to suffer, or have less than we have, or do we just want to feel fulfilled ourselves? Does someone’s success remind us that we may not be where we want to be? We are all works in progress, but unexamined jealousy only stops us from moving forward. How many people do you know who are still consumed by their jealousy of another person?

We must learn to face jealousy, to take away its negative stigma, to be honest with ourselves, and then we will be able to have more real relationships with others. The Ten Commandments in the bible says “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods, nor his wife, nor his calf” but what if you do? How do we deal with exploring what jealousy really is? We are just told it is not good. Though I do not have an answer myself, I constantly try to figure where my feelings come from, and what they say about me rather than the other person.

Think about how many international conflicts start over what one group of people has, and what another group of people wants. How can we apply these ideas of jealousy to understanding large scale conflicts? It is difficult to pick an international conflict and say that jealousy is the primary reason why the conflict happened, but it is possible to examine how jealousy contributed to escalating different conflicts.

 Traveling to different countries and cultures has helped me access for myself what things are really important. It has also challenged me to reevaluate what I value, and appreciate the similarities and differences we all have. It can be difficult to accept that someone may be better at something than we ourselves are. By knowing our own strengths and valuing our own abilities we may be able to better appreciate other peoples’ strengths too.

So in honor of redefining jealousy (yes, I said it), and learning more about ourselves and others in the process, let’s eat some Mast-O Khiar (Iranian Yogurt and Cucumber Dip)!

Recipe is below

DOCUMENTARY: FOUR WIVES-ONE MAN 

SYNOPSIS: "Persson reveals the intricacies of the relationships between the four wives, their husband, their astoundingly free-spoken mother-in-law and their numerous children. Sometimes humorous and often heartbreaking, this film follows the daily lives of the wives whose situation has turned them into both bitter rivals and co-conspirators against their abusive husband. Persson’s camera unobtrusively and beautifully captures the range of the family’s interactions – from peaceful, pastoral scenes of a family picnic, to the temporary chaos caused by a broken faucet in the kitchen, to a furtive, whispered conversation between two wives about the latest beating. Avoiding sensationalism and sentimentality, this film provides unique insights into the practice of polygamy and its effect on the women involved."

Please keep in mind this film is not provided for judgement against Polygamy, but it is posted for those who watch to keep in mind the role jealousy plays in all of our lives.

Mast-O Khiar (Cucumber Dip Persian Style) 

Ingredients for Mast-O Khiar (Yogurt and Cucumber Dip) 

recipe from: http://www.justbestrecipes.com/egg-dish/mast-o-khiar-persian-yogurt-and-cucumber-dip.html

• 1 English cucumber, peeled and diced
• 1/2 cup raisins
• 3 cups whole milk yogurt, drained (read intro)
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1/4 cup green onion, chopped
• 1 tablespoon fresh mint, chopped (NOT dried)
• 2 tablespoons fresh dill weed, chopped
• 2 garlic cloves, peeled and finely minced
• 3 tablespoons walnuts, finely chopped
• 1/2 teaspoon salt, to taste
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Garnish

• 1/2 teaspoon fresh mint
• 2 tablespoons fresh rose petals, cut into ribbons
• 1 dried rose bud

Preparation of Mast-O Khiar

1. Chop cumber and walnuts
2. In a serving bowl combine the cucumber, raisins, yogurt, sour cream, scallions, mint, dill, garlic and walnuts.
3. Stir mixture thoroughly and season with salt and pepper to taste.
4. Cover and refrigerate dip for at least 1 hour before serving.
5. When ready to serve, garnish with the mint, rose petals and the rose bud, if using.
6. Serve with pita bread triangles, Arabic bread, crostini, etc.   

Evoking Humility

Humility is a word we say often, but do we always put it into action? As we all need our egos fed, we can find ourselves stepping on others to raise ourselves. I often wonder why it is so difficult for so many of us to remain humble. Sometimes I think our lack of humility happens when we do not feel appreciated, recognized as an individual, or valued as intelligent.  When these needs becomes too great many of us will go to great lengths to show others that we are better than the next person.

I will say that the more I travel, the more I meet people from different cultures, the more I have needed to focus on working on my own humility. There have been so many situations in which I have done something that was probably seen by others as inappropriate, or culturally insensitive. For example, when I visited Senegal I was placed with a host family that did not speak English, and I did not speak French or Wolof. The constant miscommunication could be frustrating at times. I tried my best to learn Wolof. I felt so inept like a child who was constantly trying, but could not achieve success.  When I finally learned how to tell my host family the phrase “I will see you later, as I left their house I walked down the street and looked back,  I yelled “I will see you later” in Wolof.  I had actually mispronounced a word and said “I am ugly.” I still laugh thinking of their faces and how stupid I looked screaming “I am ugly” while waving and smiling. But these are the situations that we must laugh at, and we must allow ourselves room to mess up and feel a little stupid. Our humility can be tested when we are learning something new.  I could probably write a book of all of the embarrassing things I have done and said while traveling.

We can’t assume we know everything, nor can we go into another culture and teach others about themselves. Even if we have read all the books on culture and history of another people, we still must understand that our knowledge is so limited. And we need the humility to learn from others almost like a child, asking questions and listening. This is especially true in Conflict Resolution or for anyone working in a foreign country or culture.

Recent events (such as the Kony campaign)  got me thinking about how someone can come in from the outside, and work within different cultures and communities in a helpful way, without disempowering the people around them. The two requirements I’ve come to so far are humility and collaboration. When we are in a new setting or culture, we need the humility to understand that no matter how many books we read on a culture, community, or country, that when we get there we really know very little about anything. And we must stay humble, because we cannot assume we know what is right for other people. We can however use our strengths and knowledge to find ways to collaborate with the people we work with. Almost like a yin and yang.

A formal education does not mean you have more ability or are smarter than anyone else. It just means you were blessed with opportunities that another person does not have. There is so much wisdom all around us, but so many people are too busy thinking about the next phrase they can say that will make themselves seem intelligent. Stop talking and start listening!

So in honor of collaboration, listening, and humility let’s make some Burmese Curry Chicken with Noodles!

Burma/Myanmar is an ethnically diverse country with a complex history. It has been in Conflict for over 50 years, and has been ruled by a military regime up until 2011. There has been tight control over the media in Burma. There have also been reports of severe human rights abuses among them state sanctioned rape and torture. The documentary below captures rare images and stories of the abuses that occurred in Burma.

  

DOCUMENTARY: BURMA VJ

 SYNOPSIS

"Anders Ostergaard's award-winning documentary takes a rare look inside the 2007 uprising in Myanmar through the cameras of the independent journalist group, Democratic Voice of Burma. While 100,000 people (including thousands of Buddhist monks) took to the streets to protest the country’s repressive regime that has held them hostage for over 40 years, foreign news crews were banned to enter and the Internet was shut down. The Democratic Voice of Burma, a collective of 30 anonymous and underground video journalists (VJs) recorded these historic and dramatic events on handycams and smuggled the footage out of the country, where it was broadcast worldwide by major news organizations. Risking torture and life imprisonment, the VJs vividly document the brutal clashes with the military and undercover police even after they themselves become targets of the authorities."

Burmese Chicken Curry, and the Asian Grandmother’s Cookbook

BURMESE CHICKEN CURRY WITH NOODLES
From The Asian Grandmother’s Cookbook, by Pat Tanumihardja
Serves 6
3 tbs fish sauce (plus extra for topping, if desired)
3 tbs soy sauce
1 tbs chopped garlic (about 3 cloves)
2 inch piece of fresh ginger, peeled and grated (about 2 tbs)
2 tsp ground turmeric
2 lbs, boneless chicken thighs or breasts cut into 1-inch cubes
(make this vegetarian by subbing tofu. I’d use a firm tofu and rip it into pieces, rather than cutting it—the uneven edge will catch more sauce)
1/4 cup vegetable oil
2 medium onions, chopped
2 tsp ground paprika
3 13.5-oz cans of coconut milk (5 cups, total)
7 cups chicken stock
1/2 cup garbanzo bean flour (I’d recommend toasting briefly in a dry pan until fragrant), mixed into
(I couldn't find garbanzo bean flour, so I researched possible substitutes)
1/2 cup warm water, to make a smooth, runny paste
2 pounds fresh or 1 pound dried rice noodles
6 hard boiled eggs, peeled and cut crosswise into 1/4 inch slices
4 tbs ground dried red chilies, pan roasted until dark and fragrant (optional)
1 large sweet onion, halved and cut into slivers, then soaked in water
1 cup cilantro, chopped
3 lemons, quartered
Combine the fish sauce, soy sauce, garlic, ginger, and turmeric in a bowl. Add the chicken and mix well (use gloves if you want to protect your fingernails from being stained yellow by the turmeric). Set aside.
Chop two of the three onions
In a large pot, heat the oil until runny and shimmering (1-2 minutes). Stir in the two chopped onions and cook until translucent (3-4 minutes). Add the paprika and mix well.
Add the chicken and mix well. Raise the heat to medium-high and stir to cook throughly, about 4-5 minutes. Add the coconut milk and stock and bring to a boil. Still constantly to prevent curdling. Reduce the heat, cover, and simmer for 20 minutes.
After 20 minutes, stir in the garbanzo bean flour paste and return to a boil. Simmer until the sauce thickens (5-10 minutes). Taste and add more fish sauce or soy sauce, as desired. Reduce heat and keep warm until serving.
Cook the noodles in a large pot of boiling water and drain. Rinse and place in a large bowl, adding a small amount of oil to prevent sticking.
Drain the slivered onion and pat dry.
Divide the noodles among individual bowls and ladle the curry sauce over them (about a cup and a half). Garnish with eggs, chilies, cilantro, onion, caramelized onion, and lemon wedges.
Mix it all up, and then eat.

Enjoy!!